Many a time when I’ve been hyper and, by opinion of my husband, obnoxious, I’ve been threatened with not getting any sex for days, weeks, or even months.
Upon becoming increasingly aggravated at this because it made me feel like he didn’t want and/or need me, I spat out my own reply, “Fine. I have plenty of toys to keep me busy,” in an attempt to shut his fat mouth.
And what does he tell me with a smirk on his face? “Yeah, but they’re not as good, are they?”
I said nothing. He won’t be such a pretty boy anymore if I deflate his giant ego. His head will go flat :p
*sighs* So, that was another one of our talks. We have a lot of talks for not being newly-weds anymore. It kind of wears on me. –_-;
Let’s go back to the part where he says, “Yeah, but they’re not as good, are they?”.
Are my sex toys not as good as sex with him? I’d say they’re not the same thing as sex with him. They’re just as good as sex with hubby and *looks around to make sure hubby is nowhere near* a lot of times, they’re better. I’m not saying that sex with the hubby doesn’t have it’s good points. I love sex with him and playing with my toys equally, but for different reasons.
Why I Love Sex with Hubby
I love his size, shape, and feel. That goes for his whole body, not just his penis. And just a penis can’t compare to one with a body attached to it. Playing with a dildo can feel slightly empty sometimes. Sex with the hubby is more of a connection for me. I need it to feel close to him and feel that he wants/needs me.
What I Hate About Sex with Hubby
I depend on his interest in me to gauge how sexy I am. If he doesn’t bat an eye at me or mess with me for a long time, I feel like I’ve lost my mojo. No sex with hubby means no self-esteem for me. I hate that. I hate depending on his reaction to me for me to feel sexy. Thank God for my Twitter followers that help puff my ego up. I love them to the ends of the Earth ♥
I worry too much about my performance and how he feels for me to even orgasm sometimes. I’ll sneak a vibe during his shower or later in the night if I haven’t gotten an orgasm from him. I’ve become an expert at using a dildo in bed and making absolutely no noticeable motion or noise.
Also, intimacy is at an all time low. I remember making out and lots of groping from him. I remember him nibbling my neck and trying to do things he knows I like. I remember occasional biting and sly groping in public. I remember times of cuddling after sex instead of pushing me off and telling me not to make a mess.
Oh, and lingerie is pointless. –_- He says I look better with out it and he prefers my natural beauty. You’d think that would make me feel good, but it doesn’t. It just makes me feel like I don’t look good enough in lingerie. I blame it on him looking at porn behind my back. I always feel like I didn’t look good enough and that’s why he went to it. He keeps explaining it was just an addiction he had and it had nothing to do with me but, with how the world is, I just can’t help but think part of it is just me not being sexy enough. *sighs* Another reason I have trouble having an orgasm with hubby: really sucky body-image.
Why I Love Play Time
Alone time with my sex toys is pure indulgence. They’re like chocolate. And through all of my sex toy testing, I’ve come to understand why many women would prefer chocolate to sex. And *smiles excitedly* ^-^ I just recently had a mini-gasm from a dark chocolate chili bar with cherry filling. That was SO cool! I didn’t know that could happen just from chocolate! I mean, it never has before. So, that was a really nice surprise.
I don’t have to worry about my performance or my looks. Silicone can’t judge.
What I Hate About Play Time
Sometimes I have to have the most warped fantasies to get off. And I feel guilty sometimes for almost replacing my hubby with all these different sex toys. I also feel ashamed that I have to hide my stranger sex toys like my tentacles because I don’t want him to find out. And the Christian part of me likes to nag about masturbating being wrong and that something stupid will happen during the day to pay me back. Friggin’ karma :p
I also masturbate when I’m bored or trying to avoid doing something. That usually makes me feel guilty, too. Hubby’s at work and I’m goofing off masturbating at home. Sometimes I feel like such a bum.
Also, I masturbate when I’m upset to spend out my anxiety that builds up. At least it’s exercise and I’m getting that stress out, I worry sometimes if I’m rewarding a bad habit.
And just like how sex with hubby has become, playtime has zero intimacy.
----------------------------------------
Don’t ask me why I felt the need to write this. I just did. I’m not asking for advice or sympathy. I just needed to write out my feelings to get things more organized in my head. If I don’t write down my thoughts and map them out, I feel like my brain is just one big tornado of thoughts and feelings. I know things aren’t great with my love life, and I just needed to do this to help me figure out what to do to make it better.
I wrote a similar post recently regarding cocks vs. toys, and how they're different. There are differences about each, and things I like in one that I don't like in another, sizes I like in one that I don't like in another, etc.
There are always pros and cons to both, but I think that at the end of the day, nothing can compare to having someone else attached to the pleasure. Though, again, there are times when you just want a quick nut!
Agreed. There are definitely pros and cons to each. Although, I would like it if sex with the hubby could outweight play time. Right now, they're kind of equal.
This post got me thinking about sex with my partner vs. sex toys too. I may just have to write a post myself.
If my self esteem is low, it completely ruins my libido. It's rarely ever my partner's fault though. It's usually always mine, if I feel fat currently, etc. Though if my partner doesn't bat an eye or mess with me for a while - my self esteem would be low too.
I am the same way, I feel like I think too much during sex sometimes that I never orgasm. I pretty much have to be on top a lot of the time just to orgasm. I hate it, I really try to focus on the feeling but it's so darn hard sometimes. My partner and I have only been sexual for almost 2 years now so I always chocked it up to us being newer at it. At first it didn't bother me that I didn't orgasm but it bothers me sometimes now. I wish that I could get myself off later in the night too, but he would definitely notice.
That's really disappointing about the intimacy being low. I really really need that to even be fully turned on sometimes. I would probably kick my partner if he just pushed me off and told me not to make a mess. I'm the one that lacks in the intimacy sometimes and it's really sad. If I have a long day and I'm extremely tired I'm never in the mood for foreplay, I just want sex and that's it.
The whole porn thing is hard, I had a relative with a porn addiction and that's when I started feeling negatively about it. I know that's part of what fueled my self-esteem issues at times. When I met my partner he didn't have the proper brain filter to know that it wasn't proper to look at other women in front of their own girlfriend. (Of coarse it depends on the person, I know some girls/guys don't care.) I already had lower self-esteem and that caused it to plummet. If we were watching something and a girl flashed someone or something like that he would cheer. Sometimes in front of me and his friends and that would embarrass me more. He would look at other girls when we were out, look at porn, etc. It went on and on for months until I finally cracked and went off on him. It was so hard to get over, especially when he admitted to me that he was doing it again. I appreciated his honesty but it really hurt me. I thought we were finally getting past it. It's even harder to get over when you feel like it's due to a failing on your part - which I do too.
I feel guilty about some of my fantasies that I use when I get off. Everyone has their own things, don't worry and don't feel bad about it.
I'm glad you wrote this, it really made me think. :)
Accidentally commented twice, you may want to delete the second one, thanks! :)
Deleted the second comment for ya, hun. ^-^
I'm glad this helped you and thanks for commenting. It's always good to know you're not alone in something.
I'd definitely say to write your own version of this. It helps to see what things you like/don't like and what you need to change. I haven't really acted on anything yet, but I plan on trying to fix things. I really do want to make sex with the hubby a lot better, but I'm going to have to fight with my confidence, trust, and self-worth a lot more before that happens, though.