If you’re reading this, I’ve been taken against my will and forced into a plane bound for Portland, OR.

I’m a rather slight woman in her early twenties (but teenager in appearance) and will be surrounded by one tall man in his mid-twenties, 3 young men in their late teens-twenties, a balding fat man with what looks like a toupee on his chin, and a fat frumpy women who is most likely wearing a pixie shirt. As you read this, I’m being forced to stay cooped up in a small, rundown, mold-infested house with all of these people in a trailer park! Helllllllllllllllllllp!

These old folks, the parents of my husband and these other young men, plan to force me into going to California to Tinkerbell Land, aka Disneyland. Why they think a kid’s vacation for their 4 grown-up sons and their daughter-in-law is a good idea, I can’t say why. Also, why they think taking my husband away from his job and the only income we really have is a good idea either is beyond me.

Apparently we have so much money we can just eat it. And apparently, jobs aren’t hard to come by or to keep in this economy.

*saracastic* We don’t have to worry one bit that he wont keep his job. We can totally waste two weeks away from it with you guys. No, it’s no trouble at all.

FUCK!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK #(*%# $#)%*%#) %$)*(%#!!!!!!!!!!!

And my husband, being the friggin’ moron that he is, sees no problem in this either.

You know what? If his family missed us so much, they would’ve visited us in the 3 YEARS that we’ve been here! They’re going to spend all this money taking us to Disney and letting us stay at their (one star roach motel, moldy) house but they didn’t have the sense to just cancel that and make some small trips here with the family to see us so hubby doesn’t have to miss two weeks of work? What is wrong with these people? Do they have the brain worms?

*raises hand* “Ooh! Ooh! I know the answer!!!”

*points* “Yes? You, the sad little lady that looks like she wants to board the next plane home.”

“They do have the brain worms! Each and every one of them! The kids are just as dumb as the parents! Now, can you get me out of this hell hole?”

“No.”

“Curse you…”

Yeah, I’ve gone schizophrenic. It’s my way of coping, or some junk like that.

Right now, I’m probably putting up a front like everything is fine. Gotta be a good little soldier for my late grandpa. God bless his soul.

Fought in WWII, lost both his brothers to it, got put on burial duty… Later, in his 70s, he developed lung cancer. It was all I could do not to break down in front of him. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing my best friend. But he went through it like a trooper. Never a tear or frown crossed that brave face. He was a strong, honorable man. Hubby’s side of the family isn’t honorable in the least, but I have to be strong like grandpa and take this vacation like a man. Er…I mean, like a woman.

Anyway, figured I’d let you guys know what’s going on. I really won’t be on Twitter much and I don’t know how much I’ll be able to update. Most likely I’ll have to sit around their house most of the time because pretty much all they do is sit on their fat butts in front of the idiot box. So, I guess I can take that time to update. Don’t expect anything too fancy. All I’ve got is my Ipaq and it takes me a long time just to peck out a few sentences on that thing.

I hope I don’t get deathly ill like I did last time. Almost every day was a fight between my sinuses with the mold and my stomach being upset with his mother’s greasy cooking, which all led up to 3 days of either the stomach flu, food poisoning, or both.

Missing you all like crazy,

True Pleasures

Get me outta here before they try to kill me again!