Want to win some awesome free toys from Babeland? Here’s your chance! ^-^

Enter to win a red Lelo Mona or a Spread Eagle!

Love is in the air. A time for sweethearts to swoon and lovers to play. What better than to have the chance to have a second Valentine’s Day? After you’ve taken a day treating your sweetie, why not have a day when you can be your own Valentine?

Babeland has graciously allowed me to offer my readers the chance to win a LELO Mona in a very sex red or a Fleshlight Sex in a Can Spread Eagle style! One for each gender so nobody feels left out ~_^

For the Ladies:

LELO Mona is the new girl in town and she’s aiming to please. With a little more girth and a better buzz than Gigi, she’s sure to knock you off your feet! Plus, she’s rechargeable and eco-friendly! No batteries to fumble around for or to let build up in a landfill! Yay!

For the Gents:

If there's anything better than a good old-fashioned Fleshlight sleeve, it’s the Fleshlight Sex in a Can! Just screw the top on and it’ll look like a can of beer sitting out. Plus, it keeps your Fleshlight sleeve clean for the next time you need some release! For those who love long labia (just like mine!), the Spread Eagle is sure to get your blood pumping!

How to enter:

Mandatory Entry – You MUST leave a comment stating which toy you want & why. All other comments will be ignored, since I can’t send you which one you want if you don’t tell me :p

Extra Entries:

• tweet about it once a day.  Any words you want, just make sure  you’re following me and you include @TruePleasures and the hashtag #2ndVday in your tweet, along with a link to the post.  (So, for example, Get a chance at a 2nd V-day! Win a LELO Mona or Spread Eagle Sex in a Can @TruePleasures blog! Details http://bit.ly/bT9enp #2ndVday Plz RT! would work just fine.)
• Follow my blog or rss (comment to let me know)
• Put a link on your blog leading to mine (comment to let me know)
• Comment on my other reviews/posts

That’s it! Two winners will be chosen at random & announced on Twitter February 15, 2010 @ 11:00 am CST

Thanks for entering and good luck! ^-^

Cosmo's Kama Sutra Instructions:

Choose any flat surface — the floor or a even a sturdy table — and lie faceup, bringing your knees as close to your chin as you can. He lies on top of you, and while you rest your calves on his shoulders, your man should enter you just as he would in the missionary position. For some extra leverage, grab hold of his upper arms. He’ll likely need to have his palms flat down for support as he begins thrusting inside you.



Why You'll Love It:

This man-on-top position makes you feel deliciously open and vulnerable, while his incredibly deep thrusting drives you to superorgasmic heights. This is also a good position for extrasensual couples — you’re face-to-face, so it’s easy for you to make out or nibble on each other’s mouths.

Once you’ve set a steady pace and feel comfortable enough to hang on to him with just one hand, use the other to stroke his shoulders, back and chest. The sensory combination of seeing your hot bod underneath him and feeling new sensations will send him into overdrive!

Thanks for the tip Cosmo! Check in next Friday for another position from Cosmo Sutra. Alternatively, you can just get the book so you know all of them!

Trust me, the Kiwi vibe does a much better job of winning this female’s heart than the kiwi in the cartoon. ^-^ I absolutely adore my Kiwi! ♥

Allow me to gush:

Personally, I find kiwi birds to be one of the absolute cutest birds on  Earth! And when I saw there was a vibe shaped like a kiwi, I almost fell off my chair. “I must have it! It’s so cute! ^-^” Luckily, Babeland was holding a contest and I won! And upon seeing the email informing me of my win, I almost fell of my chair again. “Eeeeeee! It’s mine! It’s mine! The cute little Kiwi vibe is mine! Yessss! XD” (I have a cute-complex, ok? I love cute things.)

So, how many functions does this little guy have?

The Kiwi vibe has 3 speeds and 7 pulse patterns. So, combined, this little guy has 10 different functions! You’ll never get bored with him! Personally, the escalating patterns are my fav. I just love the rev up to a good buzz.

Very easy to control. There’s just two buttons. Push the upper button to cycle through the speeds and patterns. Push the lower button to go back or hold it for a couple seconds to turn the Kiwi off.

If you watch the tip, you can see it flick back and forth quite a bit. The silicone tip is flexible which allows this little Kiwi’s beak to tickle and taunt you to an explosive O! Great for a quickie or a long love session. I have a feeling my bullets that I use for quickies are going to be jealous of my new pet. ~_^ Afterall, Kiwi can take care of me in a jiffy with 10 different options to choose from and he lights up! How can my bullets compete with that?

Let the Kiwi Light Up Your Love Life!

The pretty purplish-pink light flickers to the pulsing of the Kiwi vibe. It’s quite fun to watch the little light show. ^-^  Great for late night play. It’s fairly bright and lights up the area around where it’s being used, so you can highlight your naughty bits during play! And it sits just like that on your nightstand waiting patiently. What a good little Kiwi, he is!

Uses:

As I said before, Kiwi is great for clitoral stimulation during solo play or while being penetrated. You can also use the Kiwi to flick against your labia and tease your slit with it. That always gets me wet. Just having something so close, but not actually in me drives me crazy. (He’s safe to insert, if you want to!) Or highlight your boobs while the Kiwi’s beak flicks against your nipple.

Another option: Pretend he’s a vibrating, lighted feather and trail him along your partner’s body. You can tease your eyes by only being able to see what the Kiwi lights up of their body, and they get teased by the vibrations. Win, win situation!

And don’t forget to let your man get in on some of the Kiwi action! There’s a nice little bundle of nerves called the perineum, which is located between the anus and the scrotum. Give him a little tease with the Kiwi there, or even give your own perineum a tease! Yes, women have one, too! It’s just that most perineum talk is about males because, in studies, their perineum has been shown to be longer than the perineum of females. Give it a try!

You can also take your Kiwi to the bath or shower. Just don’t let your rubber ducky see you two fooling around!

Packaging:

Beautiful and sophisticated, just what I expect from a luxury vibe. The Kiwi comes in a black and bright green box. Unfortunately, you can’t really keep the box to use for storage since it has a Kiwi-shaped hole. But, you can keep the pretty fabric that your Kiwi is nestled in. Just pop out the plastic holder and pry open the staples. Voila! You now have your Kiwi and a pretty piece of fabric to tuck him in with at night. ^-^

Material: Silicone and ABS hard plastic No worries here. They are both phthalates-free and safe for your body!

Batteries: 2 AAA (To open the battery compartment, simply place one hand on the upper part of the Kiwi, one hand on the lower part, and twist. Twist it back together. If you have difficulty twisting it back together, take a look inside the half with the tip and look for a small ridge along the edge. Match that up with the indent on the bottom half and twist back together. Might take a little practice.)

Special Features:

• 10 Functions (3 Vibrating Speeds, 7 Pulse/Escalating Patterns)
• Lights up and flashes to pulse patterns
• Tip can be reversed (Undo it like you would to replace the batteries, flip the tip around, and twist it back together.)
• Water-proof
• Ergonomic Design (Fits easily and comfortably in your palm)

Vibration Level: 4/5 The vibes can get pretty strong, but not to the point of being too strong to use.

Noise Level: 1/5 Kiwi is a quiet and well-mannered little vibe.

Pros: It’s shaped like one of the cutest birds on Earth, it lights up and flashes, 10 functions, water-proof, phthalates-free, tip can be reversed, ergonomic design, great for stimulating lots of areas, fun for night play, great during solo and partner play, flexible tip, powerful, quiet

Cons: Um…well, putting it back together after inserting the batteries can be a bit difficult, but I’ve got the hang of it now.

Summary: 5/5 I love my Kiwi! He’s so cute and he always makes me feel great! He’s the best pet ever! lol

Definitely a good investment for those thinking about adopting a little Kiwi. Great for solo & partner play with lots of functions and possibilities. He’s sitting on my nightstand right next to my pillow in case I need him. Sweet little thing. ^-^

 

FTC Statement: The Kiwi Vibe was won in a contest from Babeland and reviewed for their Affiliate Review Program.

Disclaimer: This is not my own pattern. Pattern & images © 2004 Jillian Moreno. Contact Jillian
 

Flick
by Jillian Moreno for Acme Knitting Company

You're out and about and you run across a very naughty boy who needs to be punished, and you, without your whip. What's a girl to do?

Never be at a loss again with Flick. It's a belt, it's a whip. Whether you're a dandy or a dominatrix, Flick will do the trick.

Strap on Flick, either straight and woven, or 1980s style low and loose. When you meet that wicked boy, simply slip Flick onto your fingers through the open cables, grip the handle and your'e ready to go.

Crack! Tell mama you're a bad boy!

photos: Jillian Moreno

SIZE

One

FINISHED MEASUREMENTS

Length: 52 inches plus fringe
Width: 2.5 inches at widest point

MATERIALS

Berrocco Suede[100% Nylon; 120 yds/111 m per 50g skein]; color: #3745 Calamity Jane; 4 skeins

1 set US 9/5.5mm double-pointed needles
Yarn needle
Cable needle
Crochet hook [for fringing]

GAUGE

18 sts/26 rows = 4" stockinette stitch in the round

DIRECTIONS

Using 2 strands of yarn held tog, CO 26 sts using provisional CO method.
Rnds 1 and 3: *P1, k12, rep from *.
Rnds 2 and 4: K.
Start cable pattern (12 rounds)
Rnd 1 (and all odd rounds except 5): *P3, k8, p2, rep from *.
Rnd 2: *K1, p2, C4B, C4F, p2, rep from *.
Rnd 4: *K1, p2, k2, BO 4 sts, k2, p2, rep from *.
Rnd 5: *P3, k2, CO 4 sts over BO sts, k2, p2, rep from *.
Rnd 6: *K1, p2, k8, p2, rep from *.
Rnd 8: *K1, p2, C4F, C4B, p2, rep from *.
Rnds 10 and 12: *K1, p2, k8, p2, rep from *.

Rep cable patt 3 more times.
Turn piece inside out. Remove provisonal CO. Divide sts onto two needles -- 13 sts each. Work edges tog in 3-needle BO. Turn right side out.

Fresh breath starts from the inside! More often than not, the smelly food in your tummy is why your breath reeks. That’s why the 2-step, gel then mint, Eatwhatever mints are for!

Fearing your breath may be as odoriferous as a dead man in July after that serving of garlic? Freaking out because your older brother just told you that beanie weenie casserole you ate for lunch is a ticking time bomb in you stomach just waiting for you to lean in for a kiss before your breath shoots your sweetheart across the room? Is swallowing mouthwash the only solution you can think of to fix your stinky problem? Well, good thing there is a much safer alternative to that.

Get some Eatwhatever mints and:

“Suck and Swallow” (And of course, my naughty mind is messing with the phrase and thinking of sucking my hubby off and swallowing. Bad naughty mind! Bad! Shush, so I can finish the review! >.<)

Directions

After meals (especially with smelly garlic or onion):

SWALLOW two or three gel caps with water
then SUCK on a mint.
Do not chew gel caps.

Here's a dosage menu from the creators, which shows you how many Eatwatever gel caps you should take after eating certain smelly foods. Enjoy!

One Thing I Don’t Understand

The directions say to swallow 2-3 gels and then suck on a mint. If that’s the case, why does the pack not have twice the amount of gels as mints? By the time we use up all the gels, we’ll still have a bunch of mints left over. That’s fine, but it would make more sense to me if there was enough gels to go with the mints. Besides, it’s the gels that help your breath. Sucking on mints mostly masks the bad breath.

You have to destroy the stinky enemy from the inside! They don’t expect that! In order to defeat them, we must sneak attack them with the gel caps! Mints will only stun them! XD (Sorry. Insanity leaked into the review :p)

How did they work for us?

Well, I had my hubby try them after he made alfredo. He always puts a lot of garlic in and, I guess, too much butter. It’s always kinda greasy. Anyway, he had two bowls of alfredo (Yes, two bowls of very rich alfredo) and took two gel caps and a mint. Later on, his stomach was upset. Not wanting to blame it on his own cooking, he blamed it on the Eatwhatever mints :p It wasn’t them. My tummy was rumbling and I didn’t even take anything. At least his breath was fresh even through his nose. When he eats garlic, it stinks his guts up so bad that I can smell it when he breathes through his nose. “Yuck. I don’t want to cuddle with you for fear of you breathing on me.” :p Thankfully, the Eatwhatever mints solved that problem. Snuggle time again! ^-^

P.S. He tried them again and his tummy was just fine. I told him it was the alfredo :p He never listens.

As for me, I tried them with some tortellini & marinara sauce. Garlic paired with that salty aftertaste of cheese. I figured that would be the perfect test. I took two gels, and had a mint after. I could feel the cooling in the back of my throat, and I stayed fresh all night long. It was like that just-brushed-my-teeth clean, fresh feeling. Definitely love the Eatwhatever mints! I just hate that salty, funky aftertaste of most cheese, and the Eatwhatever mints made it taste like I never ate any! Woo!

For those of you wondering about the ingredient list and nutritional value of the Eatwhatever mints, here you go:

Pros: Definitely fixes stinky breath quick and long-lasting, convenient pocket-sized pack, easy to punch through foil, vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, kosher

Cons: You’ll run out of gel caps before you run out of mints.

Summary: 5/5 I love the Eatwhatever mints! The 2-step process of the gels and the mints really takes care of your stinky breath instead of just masking the smell like most mints do. Hurray for the gel caps! I just wish there were twice the amount of gel caps in the package since you’re supposed to take 2-3 gel caps and 1 mint.

 

Don’t forget to pick some up for your next night out!

 

FTC Statement: The Eatwhatever Mints were provided for free by Babeland for their Affiliate Review Program.

Great position for groping. That's all I have to say. I love to grab my hubby's tush, and I'm pretty sure he likes it, too. He gets hard-ons after just a couple squeezes. It ain't bad for turning me on either. ~_^

Cosmo's Kama Sutra Instructions:

Try this tantalizing twist on the typical missionary position (him on top, you on bottom). Instead of having your man rest on his elbows, ask him to slide two to four inches forward. Have him place his arms on either side of your shoulders, letting his body fall flat against yours. Make sure you both keep your spines straight. With your legs touching his, push your pelvis up about two inches. Your man should push down gently, providing a little counter-resistance. Instead of the usual in-and-out of thrusting, rock up and down.



Why You'll Love It:

Okay, so missionary doesn’t always make you quake. But because he’s in a more forward position, the base of his penis should naturally rub your clitoris. The rocking motion draws out the orgasm, building pleasure gradually. Because both sets of genitals are sharing such tight quarters, your climb to the climax will be intensified.

An Extra Hint:

To add extra oomph to this passion pose, give his cheeks a firm squeeze, then trail your fingers slowly up his back. When you reach his head gently run your fingers over his scalp then pull him in for a kiss he’ll never forget.

Thanks for the tip Cosmo! Check in next Friday for another position from Cosmo Sutra. Alternatively, you can just get the book so you know all of them!

Since I posted a pattern about a knitted penis last week, I thought it only fair to post a pattern for a knitted breast. These are great for women who have had breast cancer and may have had to get a mastectomy.

Disclaimer: I do not in any way claim this pattern as my own. Pattern & images © 2005 Beryl Tsang. This pattern is provided for your personal use only. You may not make Tit-Bits to sell under any circumstances.



by Beryl Tsang

Six months after losing my right breast to cancer, I was invited to a party at the latest hot boite. Now, I usually avoid such places, preferring to spend my evenings at home, knitting hemp climbing gyms for my son's pet snake or felted fishbowl warmers for my daughter's Siamese fighting fish, but I needed a change of scene.

Finding the right outfit was a no-brainer. I have closet full of leather dresses and high heeled boots from my days as a Yarn Dom; "Get that sock finished NOW, you badly carded piece of roving or else!" Finding the right breast prosthesis, however, was a nightmare.

I went to every mastectomy boutique and medical supply store in the city. There were titties of every shape, size and skin color (from beige to dark brown) but none were what I wanted -- perky, cute and comfortable. They were too heavy, squishy or ugly.

With a day to go before the party I was still without a titty. I considered going without one but my husband nixed the idea. I was already unbalanced, (but in a good way), he reasoned, but that didn't mean I should look unbalanced.

Finally, in a state that can only be described as panicked desperation, I bought a "proper" mastectomy bra and a silicone titty that was touted as the "lightest and most natural looking" on the market. The fitter, a sensible no-nonsense lady, who had been fitting breast prostheses since before disco was hot, discouraged me from wearing any of my existing bras, "They'll squash your prosthesis, dear and there is nothing worse than a squashed prosthesis!"

When I got home, I put on my new titty and bra and promptly broke into tears. The titty reminded me of raw liver, while the bra resembled the suspension system of my 1995 Volvo.

To cheer myself up, I rummaged through my stash looking for something luxurious to knit up. Then it hit me that I could knit myself a new titty; in fact, I had so much yarn I could knit myself a different titty for every day of the week, month, year!

I finished my first knitted titty an hour before the party and wore it with one of my favorite lacy underwires. When a friend, who had been following the whole titty saga, saw me she remarked, "You really did a great job! Your left breast looks almost as good as the right one -- a bit lumpy but very realistic."

"You know," I replied, "It was my right breast that was removed."

photos: Beryl Tsang

SIZE
A[B, C, D, DD] Cup

MATERIALS

Butterfly Super 10 Cotton (100% mercerized cotton; 250yds/230m per 100g skein); 1 skein

Note: 111yds/100m will make 2 Tits. Any soft DK weight yarn may be used. Samples are knit in Berroco Cotton Twist with Sirdar Gigi; Butterfly Super 10; Crystal Place Chenille; Crystal Palace Labrador; Needful Yarns Feeling held together Sirdar's Gigi.

1 set US #6/4mm double-point needles

1 set US #5/3.75 mm double-point needles

Small split ring marker or safety pin

Sharp tapestry needle

Decorative shank button for "nipple" (I find vintage buttons work best)

Stuffing (cotton fleece or polyester fiberfill)

Small weight, like a smooth stone

GAUGE

22 sts/24 rows = 4 in stockinette st in stockinette stitch, before felting

PATTERN NOTES

[Knitty's list of standard abbreviations can be found here]

Breasts aren't exact sizes, despite what the lingerie industry would have us believe. Don't hesitate to adjust the number of stitches in the pattern to make a Tit that is the right size for you.

The pattern can be personalized and embellished to match your bras, clothes or occasion. Last winter, I knit myself an après tobbagan titty in striped bright purple and lime green Iceland (no, it didn't itch) to wear while sipping hot chocolate at the café with my kids after a hard day on the hill.

You can use less expensive yarns like mercerized cotton with lycra for making everyday titties, and splurge on more expensive yarns for special occasions, like handpainted cashmere to go with the handpainted cashmere wrap you are made to wear to the yarn frolic.


A note about the weight
This weight will keep the tit bit from bouncing about in your bra. I use small smooth stones that I have collected as weights. When I make Tit Bits for other breast cancer survivors, I write the Chinese character for opportunity to remind them that breast cancer has given them a unique opportunity to learn and grow. When I make them for women who are just starting their breast cancer journey I will write "hope" and "courage" I also include a lucky penny, so that their journey will be an auspicious and not an arduous one.

Warning: Do not wear a Tit Bit with a weight onto an airplane, as it may be confiscated as a dangerous projectile. Make yourself a non-weighted travel titty instead.)

I-Cord
CO required number of sts onto a dpn. K all sts.

Next Row: Instead of turning the work around to work back on the WS, slide all sts to the other end of the needle, switch the needle back to your left hand, bring the yarn around the back of the work, and start knitting the sts again. After the first 2 sts, give the yarn a sharp tug.

Repeat this row to form I-cord.

New! Thanks to the kind women at The Knitting Experience in Brunswick, ME, here's a tip for making your Tit Bits in one piece:

For the one piece version, you just purl two rows at the end of the front piece, then start decreasing (k2tog) one stitch before the end of each needle, essentially reversing the front shaping. Stop when you have 12 sts left. Cut the yarn, leaving a LONG tail. Thread the tail through the remaining sts. You can then stuff it through the hole and draw the stitches closed.

For our donated boobs, we leave the hole open so that the women can do a fitting and then seam it shut themselves.



DIRECTIONS

Outer Piece

Using larger needles, CO 3 sts. Work 2 rows of I-Cord.

Variation: If you don't want to use a bead or button nipple, knit 1.5 - 2 inches of I-Cord. This cord can be knotted when the boob is finished. It will look like a nipple through your bra.

*Work one more row of I-Cord, increasing as follows: kfb in each st. 6 sts.

Divide sts between 3 double-point needles, in preparation to begin working in the round. Place marker in first stitch.

Next Round: [K to last st on needle, m1, k1] around. 3 sts increased.

Repeat this round 19[21, 25, 27, 29] times more. 66[72, 84, 90, 96] sts (22[24, 28, 30, 32] sts on each needle).

P 2 rounds. BO all sts.*

You will now have what looks like a small, sweet triangular hat (or in the words of my breast surgeon who is Jewish, "A very badly made kippah"). Don't worry; it will make a perky breast!

Inner Piece

Using smaller needles, CO 3 sts. Work 1 row of I-Cord.

Work from * to * as for Outer Piece.

FINISHING

With wrong sides together, sew edges of pieces together, leaving a space open for stuffing.

Turn right side out and stuff, using as much or as little stuffing as you like. One side (the Inner Piece) of the Tit Bit should be flat, the other side perky but pliable. If it "stands at attention", or looks like a mutated balloon, you have overfilled it.

Embed weight carefully in stuffing. Sew edge of Tit closed.


Tack the Outer and Inner pieces together through the center, so that the back is concave and does not sit against the scar and chafe or irritate it.

Attach a small decorative bead or button for the "nipple", or knot the I-cord and sew in place. (If you have made the I-cord nipple, and always wanted a pierced nipple, you could put a small ring or stud in your Tit's nipple.)

Block by soaking your Tit in warm water and soap flakes, rinse thoroughly, and gently squeeze and shape. Allow to dry completely. Pop it into your bra and wear it out!

A Cautionary Note: If you have made a truly original tit bit, and want to show it to others, please do so in the privacy of your own home. I have a friend who used to take her out in public all the time. "See my tittie? See? See?" Then she met a cop at her LYS who informed her that what she was doing was technically considered "flashing" and therefore against the law.

ABOUT THE DESIGNER

Beryl Tsang lives in Toronto with her family (a husband, two children, a snake and a fish). She is the founder and Chief Executive Knitter of Tit Bits: Hand Knitted Breasts.

Pattern & images © 2005 Beryl Tsang. This pattern is provided for your personal use only. You may not make Tit-Bits to sell under any circumstances.

Yes, there are lots of products that you can use to make your cum taste better.

No, you don’t need them. Keep your money, and raid your fridge.

First let’s figure out what is making your cum taste bad:

Salty: You’re eating too much protein (meats, dairy products, etc)

 

Bitter: You need to lay off the coffee

 

Bitter & Gross: You need to quit smoking or it’s your medication.

 

Really Strong & Pungent: Too much food w/ onions or garlic

 

 

Rotting Eggs/Burning Tire: You’re eating foods that are high in sulfur (broccoli family, meats, legumes, nuts & seeds, etc)

 

What you can do to make your cum taste better:

Pineapple: Pineapples and pineapple juice are rumored to be the best way to make your cum sweet.

 

Celery: It can help reduce the bitterness of your cum.

 

Fruit: Mostly melons, but really any fruit can make you taste sweeter.

 

Cinnamon: It can help mask strange tastes.

 

Water: Helps flush toxins from your body that may be making your cum taste funky.