Finally, a great stimulating lube to replace that paraben-laced Good Head Gel that my hubby liked. This review is going to be a bit gushy since I’m pretty ecstatic to find a stimulating lubricant that works on my hubby just as well as it does on me. I don’t know how many lubes we’ve gone through just to give him a good tingle without it having parabens in it.

Sensations is technically a warming lube, although the only stimulating ingredient I see in the ingredients is menthol. This lube is very cool and tingly. In about a minute or so, you’ll get a rush of increasing tingles and coolness. And somehow, Sensations warms with friction to produce one awesome romp. I absolutely love the Sliquid Stimulating lube! ^-^

It lasts quite a long time (even in the shower), and I don’t just mean the slickness. For me, it pretty much goes from cool tingles, warms during our romps, and then the tingles return after and gradually fade. It’s fun to feel the tingle again as I calm down. The after-tingles don’t really happen with my hubby. He always goes to clean himself up immediately after. Whatever. I’d rather relax and revel in the pleasure for a bit.

Size: 4-1/5 ounces

Formula Base: Water-based

Ingredients: Purified Water, Plant Cellulose(from cotton), Aloe Barbadensis, Natural Tocopherols (Vitamin E), Cyamopsis, Organic Extracts of Hibiscus, Organic Flax, Organic Green Tea, Organic Sunflower seed, Food Grade Menthol, Citric Acid, Phenoxyethanol (Rose Ether)

Packaging: Very nice and fully recyclable! Bottle actually says, “please recycle this packaging”. Also, this cute little quote:

“Our lotus is the symbol of female sexuality, passion, and love. It is natural, growing, and unfolding…just like you!”

Pros: Works on my hubby just as well as me (whoo!), no parabens or petrochemicals, glycerine free, full of natural ingredients, long lasting and slippery even in the shower!

Cons: The only problem is the packaging looks like another Sliquid lube I have, so sometimes I get the two mixed up if I don’t really look at the label well.

Summary: Love, love, love it! I can’t tell you how happy I am to find a lube the works on Mr. I-never-feel-anything :p 5/5!

FTC Statement: The Sliquid Organics Sensation lube was purchased by True Pleasures and reviewed for Babeland’s Affiliate Program.

The Wet Together Pleasure Gels are designed to enhance intimacy and heighten satisfaction. I was able to receive a free sample to try out a little while ago.

Really, the directions say you only need to use a little bit, but I’m not going to try to seal a slippery little lube packet back up to use for later. So, we ended up using all of it in one sitting. They’re not really gels. The consistency seems about the same as regular lube to me. So, that meant us pretty much using the gels as lubes. That seemed to work just fine. Since it’s winter, I tend to get dehydrated easily and don’t get as wet as I should. (I know. That should happen in summer when it’s hot. I’m just freaky and opposite, ok?)

Details for each with reviews underneath:

----------------------------------------------------------

Pleasure Gel for Her

• Clitoral Sensation
• Enhanced Intimacy
• Greater Natural Lubrication

For Her Ingredients:

Glycerine, Propylene Glycol, Benzoic Acid, Sodium Benzoate, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Tocopherol, Aloe Barbadensis, Camellia Sinsensis Leaf Extract, Niacinamide, Mentha Piperita Oil, Water, Xantham Gum, Eupatorium Rebaudianum Bertoni Leaf Extract, Phenoxyethanol, Ethylhexylglycerin

Directions For Her:

Apply several drops of pleasure gel for her as desired to the external female genitalia (clitoris, around the clitoral hood, labia and external vaginal opening). Gently massage into this delicate skin for at least 5 minutes prior to vaginal intercourse to allow maximum absorption. It is normal to experience a very gentle warming sensation within 5 minutes of application. This will plateau within 5 minutes with effects lasting for up to 20 minutes. You may reapply as often as desired although it is general not necessary. Easily washes with warm water. Latex friendly.

----------------------------------------------------------

True Says: Minty smell, normal lube-like consistency, not gel. “Warming sensation” was not felt at all. It felt more like a cooling, tingling sensation, which did last for quite a long time. The cool tingle was nice, at first. During sex, it seemed to get colder and was a bit distracting. Not wanting my girly bits to freeze the rest of the night (Apartment was cold, so I just wanted to be warm all over), I jumped in the shower for a bit and tried to wash it off with soap and water. Took me a while to wash all the cold tinglies away. We really need a detachable shower head.

Pros: good lubricant, intense sensation (may be good for some), latex friendly

Cons: Some ingredients such as glycerine may be problematic (ie yeast infections). Got a little too cold, was a bit difficult to wash off. Wasn’t really a gel. I expect gels to have a thicker consistency than a lube.

----------------------------------------------------------

Enhancement Gel for Him:

• Love Longer, Love Stronger
• Enhanced Intimacy
• Greater Satisfaction

For Him Ingredients:

Glycerin, Propylene Glycol, Benzoic Acid, Sodium Benzoate, Hydroxyethylcellullor, Tocopherol, Aloe Barbadensis, Camellia Sinensis Leaf Extract, Arginine(L), Mentha Piperita Oil, Water, Xantham Gum, Eupatorium Rebaudianum Bertoni Leaf Extract, Phenoxyethanol, Ethylhexylglicerin

Directions For Him:

Apply a small amount of gel for him under the base of the head of the penis. Gently massage into the skin for at least 5 minutes prior to intercourse to allow maximum absorption with effects lasting for up to 20 minutes. You may reapply as often as desired although it is general not necessary. Easily washes with warm water. Latex friendly.

----------------------------------------------------------

Hubby Says: “This stuff seriously takes 5 minutes?” (A couple minutes into rubbing it on him…) “Don’t worry about the whole 5 minutes, ok? Turn around.” (Yes, he was a bit impatient and just wanted to get down to it. Not that I blame him. I get antsy too.) Didn’t really make him last any longer or give him greater satisfaction. He didn’t feel anything different while I was rubbing it in. After the romp, he did end up feeling the tingling of the lube that was on me.

Pros: good lube, latex friendly

Cons: did not make him last longer or increase his satisfaction, problem ingredients such as glycerine and L-arginine. Wasn’t really a gel. I expect gels to have a thicker consistency than a lube.

FTC Statement: Wet Together Pleasure Gels was a free sample.

You'll want to be careful when having sex in a pool or hot tub. If the water is not properly maintained, it can cause infections.


Cosmo's Kama Sutra Instructions:

Start with your guy sitting on the bench with his knees bent and legs slightly spread, leaning back with his arms outstretched and resting on the edge of the tub. Straddle him, facing forward, and lower yourself onto his penis, holding on to his shoulders for support. Keep your knees bent and feet flat as you move up and down or back and forth.



Why You'll Love It:

The space between your torsos allows both of you to watch the action. There's also room for pelvic play, so you can maximize clitoral stimulation by rubbing your bliss button against his pubic bone as you gyrate.

Take advantage of this you-on-top pose to titillate his pleasure-receptive nipples. Draw gentle circles around them with your fingers as you grind.

Thanks for the tip Cosmo! Check in next Friday for another position from Cosmo Sutra. Alternatively, you can just get the book so you know all of them!

Disclaimer: I do not in any way claim this as my own pattern. It is the sole property of Ungulates Crochet.

Condom Crochet

I recently joined www.ravelry.com (username: Ungulate) and was understandably perplexed at the lack of crochet patterns for making condoms. This is my bold attempt to rectify the situation. This pattern is free, which is not to say that I would be at all pleased if you were to sell it or sell anything made with it. If you find yourself saying to yourself "but this pattern must have taken so many hours of research and development, I really must find some form of compensation", donate a few quid to an AIDS charity.


Crochet in a spiral if you want to make your life easy (amigarumi style).

R1: Ch 2, 6 sc in second ch from hook.
R2-4: Sc 6.
R5: 2 sc in each sc around. (12 sts)
R6: *Sc 1, 2 sc in next sc*, rep 6 times. (18 sts)
R7: *Sc 2, 2 sc in next sc*, rep 6 times. (24 sts)
R8-10: Sc 24.
R11: *Sc 2, dec 1*, rep 6 times. (18 sts)
R12-29: Sc 18.
R30: Through front loops only, *Sc 1, 2 sc in next sc*, rep 9 times. (27 sts)
Slip stitch (to flatten out the kink) then fasten off and weave in ends.

I'd love to see some variations on this pattern! There are all sorts of disgraceful possibilities.

Ok girls (and possibly guys), you may be aware that I’ve been participating in a hypnosis study for a breast enlargement program and wrote a review. If not, go check it out! I’ve tried all kinds of stuff: massage, creams, pills, diets, my own herbal regimen, even magic… None of that really worked. The hypnosis program is really working well, though. Gained 1.94” so far and I’m loving it! (o)(o)

      

I’ve completed the first 12 weeks and, as a reward for this, I’ve been given a brand new MP3 player loaded with the entire program. Now, I already have all the CDs on an MP3 player of my own. So, I figured I might as well let one of my readers have the chance of scoring a pretty pink MP3 complete with free MP3s of the program CDs. Afterall, it would be kinda greedy to keep it to myself since I already have an MP3 player and the full program.

Rules: You need to be comfortable with sending the program creator (Anthony Santen) your age, name, measurements, weight, etc so that he can help you devise a CD schedule. You don’t need to send pictures if you don’t want to. So you don’t need to worry about that. I just put mine up to show my progress.

And you have to promise to be diligent! This is for people who really want to enlarge their breasts. I’m doing this contest for people who were as desperate as me. If you’re just doing it for kicks, that’s fine. But I really want to help someone who needs it.

Mandatory Entry(No comment left means no entries counted): Leave a comment and explain why winning the breast enlargement program is important to you. Is it for you? For a spouse or significant other (The hypnosis only works if you want to do it 'FOR YOU'... that's one of the main things about hypnosis.  YOU have to want it. People who think they're 'fine the way they are' but want to 'grow for others' will find themselves blocking their own will to grow... it's funny that way.)? Do you feel small? Is it just that you’re looking for a way to gain a little more? Whatever your reason, write it down and let me know.

Extra Entries:

• Tweet about it once a day.  Any words you want, just make sure  you’re following me and you include @TruePleasures and the hashtag #NBEHypno in your tweet, along with a link to the post.  (So, for example, “Boost your breasts naturally! Win pearl pink MP3 player loaded with a Natural Breast Enhancement Program! http://bit.ly/b3JdaN #NBEHypno” would work just fine.)
• Follow my blog or rss (comment to let me know)
• Put a link on your blog leading to mine (comment to let me know)
• Comment on my other reviews/posts

That’s it! One winner will be chosen at random & announced on Twitter March 12, 2010 @ 11:00 am CST (If you win, please send your address in ASAP to receive your prize!)

I can’t tell you how desperately I’ve wanted larger breasts. I was the first girl in my class to blossom (Puberty at age 9. Ugh >.< Curse my overly painful periods!) but I waited and waited for my breasts to fully bloom. I really didn’t get desperate about it until a certain point in my relationship with my husband. He was looking at things behind my back and that made me feel like I had absolutely nothing to offer. I was so depressed and angry at him. Everything set me off. Every commercial, tv show, movie, etc with what I called “a busty bimbo” sent me pretty much spiraling. It really did suck. Major depression to the point that I envied the dead when we passed graveyards. Yeah…I was pretty pathetic…

I remembered the time when I was younger and had come across a website pushing breast enhancement pills. I was scared to try it, but I knew I had to do something to make myself feel better. I did some research and wound up on a Natural Breast Enhancement forum with lots of other girls (and even guys) like me.

After lots of lurking, I started out with massage, then a natural wild yam cream, then WonderUp pills. I was on the Wonderup pills for about 6 months, I think. Not much out of those either.

Being the strange little thing that I am, I tried a couple breast enhancement spells. Yes, I even tried magic. No luck.

Eventually I found the Hypnosis section of the Natural Breast Enhancement forum that I was on. I tried a couple ones. I couldn’t help giggling at one of the hypnotists’ accent, and I just couldn’t take the other one seriously. I even tried a breast enhancement ring tone. I tried to stay with their programs for a while, but I eventually gave up on them because some parts just didn’t make any sense. Either that, or I couldn’t stop analyzing and criticizing while I was supposed to be listening and relaxing.

The only thing I got out of those was the realization that wanting to enlarge my breasts is really something I’m doing for myself, not my husband. Yes, the whole porn incident really kicked things into gear, but I’ve always wanted a little bit more up front. I got less desperate and started to relax a little, which was good because that’s what all the forum members said is needed. You can’t grow unless you let go of the thought that you hate your small boobs and accept yourself. I may still say my breasts are small and be a little self-conscious, but at least I’m not as freaked out as I used to be.

Some time went by and I still wanted my breasts to grow, but I hadn’t been to the forum in a while. I had been trying out my own self-devised herbal regimen, but that wasn’t doing much good.

Turns out, the day I decided to go back to the forum, there was an offering to help Hypnotic Body test out a new Breast Enlargement Hypnosis Program. I checked out their site and figured I might as well give it a try. I mean, the hypnosis that I tried before was free and you get what you pay for, right? Well, not that I had to pay to be in the study, but that’s beside the point.

I asked to join the study and was given a pdf manual and a download of six CDs to listen to. I’ve been on the program 12 weeks now, and I plan to keep going for the remaining 12 weeks. The manual pretty much tells you how to work out your hypnosis schedule. I wrote out my own for 12 weeks and sent it in to see what the creator of the program though. He gave me a few suggestions and has been very helpful.

I started out at a 32A (I was wearing B’s for the longest time, but the bra size calculators let me know I was delusional :p) The measurement around the widest part of my chest was 32” around.

 I fit better into my B-cup bras now. My push-up B’s finally look like push-ups instead of a regular bra. ^-^ Thank God! I’ve gained about 1 15/16” (That’s about 1.94”) Yes! Almost 2”! XD I think a lot of the gain has been in the upper corner of my breasts closest to my armpits. It looks way more filled out to me, especially on the right side.

I’m really happy with how things are going and can’t wait to see how I’ll look after the next 12 weeks! The Hypnotic Body program has been much easier to stick with than the other hypnosis MP3s that I’ve had. Definitely consider this before surgery! (I did. There’s no way I can think of any kind of surgery without getting freaked out. Even watching someone put in a contact lens makes me sick. Yeah, I’m a weenie.)

You’re going to feel some thing similar to when you started growing breast during puberty. For me, that’s been: itching, soreness/tenderness, shooting pains, phantom nipple pinching. Trust me, it’s worth it. I’ll deal with it as long as my breasts are growing.

No, I didn’t feel the need to eat more. I’ve been eating pretty much the same thing, but I’ve been trying to get more good fats (Omega3s) into my diet.

I had a little bit of a problem zoning out too much sometimes, but the program has been really easy to use.

Since I’ve finished the first 12 weeks and submitted my AFTER picture, I should be receiving an MP3 player loaded with the program. I’ll be holding a contest for someone to win it! Since I already have the program, there’s no sense in me being greedy and keeping the MP3 player.

FTC Statement: True Pleasures was compensated for participating for 12 weeks in the program by payment of $50 & an MP3 player with the program on it.

Well, I would love to say that this worked perfectly, but I’d be lying.

The bullet comes with batteries already in it. Opened it up and took out the little paper circle. Nothing. “What the… Ok, maybe I didn’t take everything out.” I looked at it carefully and noticed a little plastic shield around the batteries and figured that must be the reason it wasn’t starting. So, I took the batteries out and removed the plastic. I plunked the first of three batteries back into the bullet, it started vibrating! “That’s a bit strange…” It vibrated the whole time I was putting the batteries back in. After I replaced the cap, I tried to turn it off. No luck. I tried it a few times and the bullet just wouldn’t turn off.

The cap was screwed on tight. I thought maybe you’d need to press the button harder or hold it for a couple seconds for it to turn off. No such luck. I’m not sure what’s wrong with it.

Material: From the inside, looks like plastic coated with silver paint. That’s pretty much how all my bullets are, though.

Vibration Level: In comparison to my other bullets, it has about the same vibration level but just a smidge below. I’d say about a 3.5/5

Noise Level: It is fairly quiet. You’re not going to be able to hear it through a closed door, but I could hear it under the sheets.

Pros: Good vibes, small, fairly quiet

Cons: It won’t turn off.

Rating: I’m not really sure how to rate this. I mean, definitely points off since it’s faulty. Points off because I’ll always have to take out the batteries when I’m done and put them in when I want to use it. There’s no putting the batteries in a little bit ahead of time so it’s ready. If I would put it in my purse, I’d surely lose the tiny watch batteries that come with it. So, I guess 1/5. With how it’s defective, it’s more trouble than it’s worth.

NNUK told me they would inform the supplier of poor build, though. They’ve been great fun to work with and I love each and every one of them!

FTC Statement: The One Touch Quiet Mini Bullet Vibrator was provided for free by Naughty Nights UK.

I really wish we had a detachable shower head...


Cosmo's Kama Sutra Instructions:

Fill the tub with only a few inches of water, then turn on the shower and let it run lightly. Lie on your side, propped up on your forearm. (Bend your knees if you need to.) Lift your top leg, then have your man straddle your other leg. Once he's entered you, rest your lifted leg on his shoulder as he holds on to your elevated thigh for leverage.



Why You'll Love It:

With your guy crouching between your legs, his pelvic bone rubs against your clitoris, treating you to a double dose of bliss. And, the cascading water hits both your bodies, showering you with massaging droplets.

Work him to a frenzy by stroking and lightly scratching his inner thigh. When he's near climax, gently tug his boys to send him over the edge.

Thanks for the tip Cosmo! Check in next Friday for another position from Cosmo Sutra. Alternatively, you can just get the book so you know all of them!

StudentLingerie has been so kind as to let me to review the SEXY Chain Thong. I was a bit worried at first. The picture on the website made the thong look pink, but it is indeed red.

I was surprised to come home to a hot pink, rather large, flat box. To my surprise, my lingerie had arrived in a flat box with nice tissue paper like the department stores used to do in the days of “I Love Lucy”. Definitely a nice touch. ^-^ (Pic below ↓)

 

 

I was pleased to see that the thong fit me. I’m rather skinny and have a small butt (about 96lbs with a butt about 32” around). Sometimes I have problems with lingerie fitting me. The chain was a bit messed up when I opened the box, but there are little clips on each side so you can fix it. I would also suggest removing the chain before washing.

My only problem with the thong is that the letters aren’t silver. The chain is silver, but the letters have a slight gold tint to them.

Rating: 4.5/5 Dead sexy, but it needs to be said that only the chain is silver and that the letters are a goldish color. Also, the product picture needs to be updated so people don’t think the thong is pink.

FTC Statement: The SEXY Chain Thong was provided for free by StudentLingerie for True Pleasures to review.

             ------------------------------------------------------------

Now, of course I had to wear something with the thong ~_^ That being said, I went on a search for something else SEXY. Yes, I have a red push-up, but that just wasn’t going to do the trick. I had already had experience with non-piercing nipples charms, and I thought I had seen something maybe on eBay (Yes, I’m on eBay a lot.) before with lettering. Off I went on my search.

Here’s what I found!

What would match my SEXY Chain Thong better than a pair of silver non-piercing nipple dangles that said SEXY in sparkly diamond-like rhinestones? ^-^ They’re from a company called Piercing Pros. All you need to do for non-piercing nipple jewelry is get your nipple erect and pull your nipple through the opening. You can gently push the sides together to make it more snug, but you’ll want to be careful because jewelry like this is delicate.

Rating: 5/5 Love them!

FTC Statement: The SEXY non-piercing nipple dangles were bought from Piercing Pros by True Pleasures.

StudentLingerie has been kind enough to let me review the Blue Goddess Babydoll!

I was surprised to come home to a hot pink, rather large, flat box. To my surprise, my lingerie had arrived in a flat box with nice tissue paper like the department stores used to do in the days of “I Love Lucy”. Definitely a nice touch. ^-^ (Pic below ↓)

 

 

Now, I’ll admit I’ve been eyeing the Blue Goddess Babydoll for quite a while…probably for about a year. I always search eBay for Asian lingerie sellers. They’re the only ones I can ever find lingerie from that will fit tiny me. I think the babydoll is made by a company called Fèe Sexy (wholesaler company from China). To the right is a pic off of eBay (It’s not me! She has about the same body, though)

 

This is a very sexy babydoll. I definitely love it. It comes with a thong, which is ok but not that hot to me. I prefer to just wear the babydoll without the thong.

The silver glitter along the edges of the thong and babydoll are a nice touch. And the sparkles don’t come off on your hands! I hate when glitter comes off of things. It’s so hard to wash off sometimes. Even thought you think you’ve washed it off, it’s probably still on your body somewhere. I’ve had a friend describe it as the herpes of craft supplies. Below is another pic from eBay (Not me! I wish I could have her cleavage!) so you can really see how hot this babydoll can look. Even without cleavage like hers, it still looks hot on me (Sorry. No pics of me :p)

My only problem with the Blue Goddess Babydoll was that it had about 4 strings hanging from the thong that I had to cut off. Otherwise, it’s nice and stretchy. The website says it can fit up to a C-cup, size 10. And you can wash this and wear it in no time! Seriously, mesh lingerie like this dries very quickly.

Rating: 5/5 I love Asian lingerie. Always fits great, always looks great on me since I’m pretty much an American face on an Asian body. lol Oh well.

FTC Statement: The Blue Goddess Babydoll was provided for free by StudentLingerie for True Pleasures to review.

I’m not sure how I first came across nipple jewelry. I suppose it was when I was checking out various sex toy affiliate programs. I saw many that I liked, but I just couldn’t bare the thought of piercing my nipples. The thought of it just makes me squeamish. Of course, I just had to find nipple jewelry that I thought I just couldn’t live without. Unfortunately, I thought that would mean that I’d have to get my nipples pierced (Not that I have anything against people w/ nipple piercings! I’m just a weenie :p)

These are the shields that I lusted after:


I loved them so much. I completely blame DrowTales for that. I used to read the online comic and I long to be as sexy as Mel’Arnach. I would love to have her lingerie.

















So, what was I to do? How could I wear them without getting my nipples pierced? Well, there are clip-on earrings, right? Why not clip-on or non-piercing nipple jewelry? I searched for a while, and then my heart lightened and my eyes widened. I finally found them! O.O

Almost the exact same thing and they’re non-piercing! Yes! XD I figured they would be a great surprise for Halloween, but I just couldn’t resist getting them ahead of time. So, I’ll be waiting to surprise my hubby with these little babies until then. In the meantime, I’ll slip them on while he’s in the shower about once a week and marvel at how lovely they look and how lucky I was in my search. ^-^ Yes, I love the thrill of the hunt.


Color: Silver

Opening: about 3/8" but adjustable (just be careful because it’s delicate) You just need to get your nipple erect and sort of pull it through the opening.

Rating: 5/5 Love, love, love them! ^-^ Now I can fulfill my fantasy of being like Mel (the sexy part at least, not her personality). You’ll need to buy two if you want a pair. The great thing is, every once in a while, NippleCharms will post coupon codes on their Twitter account. If you’re not on Twitter, I always post sales and codes here.

FTC Statement: True Pleasures bought the Spider & Web Design non-piercing nipple shields from NippleCharms.

Disclaimer: I do not in any way claim this as my own pattern. It is the sole property of Shadkitty.

Dirty Mouth?

eah, I finally did the pattern for the penis chapstick cozy. I received a surprising amount of requests for it. I'm going to copy and paste it into here. Also...I did manage to make a PDF somehow. I think. But really, I'm not sure how that works exactly. So...it's not online. If you want it, just email me.


Phallic Chapstick Cozy
by Shadkitty



Need a little protection? Grab your penis and put it on your mouth, er, your chapstick that is. This cozy has no functional use whatsoever, but it's HILARIOUS and you'll enjoy it. And, unlike real life, one size fits all!!

MATERIALS
Caron Simply Soft [100% acrylic; 315yd/288m per 170g skein]; color: Pink; all you really need are some scraps

1 set(s) US #4/3.5mm double-point needles

Tapestry needle
Fluff
Key ring (optional)

GAUGE
Useless. Just make it work for you.

PATTERN NOTES
You can attach a keyring if you want to hang this from your keys. Or whatever. Just crochet a chain long enough to meet your standards and attach it to the cozy and the keyring. Use your own smarts for that.

PATTERN

SHAFT
CO 12, leaving a longish tail. Join in round, making sure stitches aren't twisted, yada yada.
Do some k2, p2 ribbing for awhile. Periodically slip the work over chapstick tube. When work reaches from the bottom of the cap to the bottom of the tube:
K 2 rounds plain
Next rnd: *k1, k2tog*

Cut yarn and thread through stitches. Pull shut tight – weave end in on side facing you!! Then turn inside out.

HEAD
CO 18. Join in round, blah blah blah. You know the drill.
Round 1: k9 sts together with tail from CO, k9 remaining sts together with tail from body CO. Make sure you leave a little bit of yarn between the body and head. This is the little piece of yarn that connects the two. If you make them too close together you won't be able to get the head off and on easily!
Round 2: knit around
Round 3: k9, inc, k9, inc
Round 4 & 5: knit around
Round 6: *k3, k2tog* to end
Round 7: knit

Rep rounds 6 & 7 until 8sts remain.
Next Round: k2tog around

Cut yarn and pull through remaining sts.

BALLS
(make 2)
CO 8.
Round 1: *k1, kfb* around
Round 2: knit

Rep these 2 rounds once more (16sts). Work St st for 3 rounds.
Next Round: *k1, k2tog* around
Next Round: knit
Next Round: *k1, k2tog* around
Stuff with fluff!

Cut yarn and pull through remaining sts. Attach to body using your good judgement and general knowledge of a man's tool. You are now a penii warrior! Battle the forces of chapped lips!


FINISHING
Ha. I kinda gave most of the finishing details in the pattern instructions. You don't need to really weave in the ends that you knitted together. Just trim them. Weave in any remaining ends. Then pop in your tube of chapstick.

ABOUT THE DESIGNER
Ms. Kitty is completely bonkers. She lives in a constant state of chaos with her man servant and 3 little critters...amongst piles of yarn and laundry. A menial gas station employee by day, and a fiendish knitting powerhouse by night, there is no knitting challenge too great!

I'm getting carried away, go show off your knitted penis.

I’m not sure how I first came across nipple jewelry. I suppose it was when I was checking out various sex toy affiliate programs. I saw many that I liked, but I just couldn’t bare the thought of piercing my nipples. The thought of it just makes me squeamish. Of course, I just had to find nipple jewelry that I thought I just couldn’t live without. Unfortunately, I thought that would mean that I’d have to get my nipples pierced (Not that I have anything against people w/ nipple piercings! I’m just a weenie :p)

These are the shields that I lusted after:

I loved them so much. I completely blame DrowTales for that. I used to read the online comic and I long to be as sexy as Mel’Arnach. I would love to have her lingerie.

So, what was I to do? How could I wear them without getting my nipples pierced? Well, there are clip-on earrings, right? Why not clip-on or non-piercing nipple jewelry? I searched for a while, and then my heart lightened and my eyes widened. I finally found them! O.OAlmost the exact same thing and they’re non-piercing! Yes! XD I figured they would be a great surprise for Halloween, but I just couldn’t resist getting them ahead of time. So, I’ll be waiting to surprise my hubby with these little babies until then. In the meantime, I’ll slip them on while he’s in the shower about once a week and marvel at how lovely they look and how lucky I was in my search. ^-^ Yes, I love the thrill of the hunt.

Color: Silver

Opening: about 3/8" but adjustable (just be careful because it’s delicate) You just need to get your nipple erect and sort of pull it through the opening.

Rating: 5/5 Love, love, love them! ^-^ Now I can fulfill my fantasy of being like Mel (the sexy part at least, not her personality). You’ll need to buy two if you want a pair. The great thing is, every once in a while, NippleCharms will post coupon codes on their Twitter account. If you’re not on Twitter, I always post sales and codes here.

FTC Statement: True Pleasures bought the Spider & Web Design non-piercing nipple shields from NippleCharms.

Well, I decided to use the Babeland Remote Vibe Panties for our early Valentine’s Day (Sunday is always family day, so we celebrated on Saturday). That was…interesting, to say the least. (Warning: This is going be a long one, folks. If you just want the details on how well the product works, skip through all my jabber.)

Experience: Got my package just in time for our early V-day, and I opened it up and tried the batteries out. Everything seemed to work fine. I could turn it on, up, or off at any range. To make thing’s easier for the next morning, I just left the batteries in overnight.

The next morning, I went to get dressed. I fought with my Bondage Betty bra for a bit to get it in the right place and to get it to look right (I actually had to resize it for myself). After finally being happy with how that looked and putting on the collar, I put the bullet into the Babeland Remote Vibe Panties and tried to tie them on. For a girl who is just used to elastic strap panties and thongs, this was kind of difficult. I ended up using my thighs to hold the crotch in place while I tied each side. It took me a bit to get the ties even on each side, but I got it!

I looked down at the panties… “Hmm…looks a bit like I’ve got some junk down there with that bulge…Oh well.” (Seriously, I don’t feel discreet when only wearing the panties. Kind of looked like I was packing, if you know what I mean.)

Ok, lingerie on. Time for regular clothes. Getting my jeans and shirt over everything was no problem. The peek-a-boo slits made my nips a bit itchy, though. Anyway, I sauntered into the living room, handed my hubby the remote and told him he had complete control over me the rest of the day. I snuggled up to him and a few minutes went by before he turned on the bullet and nothing. *click…click..click…* So, I took it from him, unzipped my pants and started clicking the remote right at the bullet *click…click..click…click* Nothing. “I know the thing worked last night! Hold on…” I went back in the bedroom, changed the batteries and everything was fine. Apparently leaving the batteries in overnight is a bad idea. They got drained even though the bullet was off.

So, after I fixed it, I gave the remote back to my hubby. A few minutes went by before he turned the bullet on and scared me. I’m naturally jumpy and had let my guard down. Not a bad thing, though. The jolt of adrenaline from me being jumpy just helped get me more in the mood. (The only thing was the bullet was migrating to either side of my clit! Do not wear tight pants. They just push the bullet from side to side. I know if I wouldn’t have worn the tight jeans over my remote panties, the bullet wouldn’t have moved as much.)

So, we’re all hot and bothered and I go to take my jeans off. My thumb caught the bow on one side of the panties and undid it, which sent my panties zooming to the floor. Uh…yeah..I meant to do that… At least I still had my BB bra and collar on and I felt pretty damn sexy. Comment from the hubby “That looks interesting”, which led me to “…um,ok..what does he mean by that?”. So after our romp, I asked him if he liked the bra. He said it looked uncomfortable and not to worry about it if I don’t want.

I was hurt thinking that he didn’t like it and I didn’t look good (I have a tiny boob complex). He noticed and told me that he pays more attention to my butt than my boobs. He’s a butt boy. I definitely believe that. I love when he gropes me.

So, our early V-day was full of ups and downs (literally), but it was a lot of fun. I don’t think our romps have ever been that light-hearted. Usually when my little dress-up plans don’t go exactly the way I want I sort of freak out. This time, I just laughed it off.

Enough of my jabber. You want to know how well the remote control bullet worked, don’t you?

The remote bullet works great. I can turn it on, up, or off from another room with the door closed. 3 speeds. About normal vibration level for a 3-speed vibe.

Is is discreet?

Um…kind of. When just wearing the panties, the bullet makes it look like I have a certain bulge in my panties. If I’m wearing pants over the panties, I really don’t notice it, though.

As for noise level, it’s decently quite. You won’t be able to hear it through a closed door, but it’s not quiet enough to where I’d let him use the highest setting in public. The sound of the highest speed is a little lighter than the sound of a cell phone set to vibrate. Keep in mind that, if you’re sitting, the vibrations are going to hit against what you’re sitting on, which will make them louder.

Does it fit?

Yup! And these are the only panties I’ve gotten with a remote vibe that actually fits my tiny butt well. Since both sides just have ties, the panties can fit anyone from puny to plump! And the little pocket that is sewn into the panties actually keeps the bullet next to your clit. With other panties I’ve had, the bullet usually ends up sliding down to my labia.

General Specs: 

• Panty hip size: 25" to 65" (adjustable)
• Vibrator size: 2-1/4" x 1-1/4"
• Material: ABS Hard Plastic with Rubber-Cote (TM)
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: 4 watch (8 included) and 1 N (2 included)

Cleaning: Toss the panties in the laundry or wash them by hand with the rest of your delicates. I’d wipe down the bullet with a soapy wet paper towel and then wipe it down with just a wet paper towel.

Package: No package. The Babeland Remote Vibe Panties come in a nice little fabric pouch. Very nice. I always love being able to reuse packaging. Great to keep the vibe and panties together and safe.

Pros: phthalates-free, remote vibe functions well from long distances and through objects, soft and silky looking panties and pouch, comes with a carrying pouch, easy to clean

Cons: The panties were a bit difficult to tie on, but I think that’s just my fumbling fingers not being used to tying on underwear. Also, the little bulge kind of bugs me. I’m nitpicky and notice every little thing. I don’t think my hubby noticed, though.

Summary: My biggest problem with this is that there is a small bulge in the panties with the bullet in. But, since my hubby didn’t seem to notice, I’m assuming it’s my own nitpicking. Best remote vibe I’ve had so far, but it could be flatter and quieter. Just be sure not to leave the batteries in overnight. Really, you shouldn’t leave batteries in vibes for extended periods of time. I shouldn’t have been so lazy. Oh well.

 

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FTC Statment: The Babeland Remote Vibe Panties were provided to True Pleasures for free by Babeland in exchange for a review. Links from Babeland’s Affiliate Program have been used. This has not affected the opinions within the review and complies with FTC standards.