I have a confession to make; I think hubby’s flaccid penis is cute. 
I’m serious! And apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks a penis can be cute.
Just look at all the cute penis drawings I’ve found!
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Here we have a cute little angel dick. Is hubby’s an angel? I’m not so sure about that, or him in general.
Our relationship goes something like this: 
VS 
If you really want you dick to have wings, there’s a cockring for that.
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Aw, he’s got a friend. 
What is that anyway? Is that a gummy pecker? Can I have it? Is it cherry? I want a little cherry cock friend! Yum! 
Seriously, for those who may have the inkling to buy me a prezzie, I’d like a realistic size gummy cock, pretty please.
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I.WANT.THIS.PILLOW 
If hubby wouldn’t call me a total freak for making a pillow like this, I SO would. I don’t think I would include the red mouth, just the eyes.
You know, he shouldn’t think I’m a total freak for making a giant cock pillow and cuddling it. Most guys would think a girl doing that would be hot, right?
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Chibi cock kitty! Meow!
(Or at least that’s what the deviantArt description said. It looks part bird to me.)
This little guy would make such a cute pet! I’m not sure what I would name it, though. I guess since the description says he’s a chibi, that would mean he’s Japanese. The Japanese word for cock is “inkei” or I guess I could use the kiddie version of that and call him “chinchin”.
I wondered what he would eat…
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Hehe 
Penis graffiti.
I don’t really think it needs to say “PENIS!”. I mean, it’s pretty clear what it is. 
Anybody watch Ren & Stimpy as a kid? Take note of Ren pointing at the happy little pecker.
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This is such a cute little avatar! 
Watch the happy little bouncy cock of love! How can you resist the urge to get all googly-eyed at it and go “awwwwwwww!”?
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And so ends the list of my favorite cute cocks that I’ve found. If you find any more cute cocks, post ‘em for all to see!
There may come a time in a reviewer’s life when he/she has to make the difficult decision of whether or not to divorce a company. If the relationship is only beneficial to the company, this is a wise decision. An affiliation with a company should work like a good marriage. There should be good communication, trust in the company and it’s products, and willingness to give. If these aren’t equal in the relationship, a divorce is in order.
Things That Have Made Me Consider Divorce:
- Poor Communication – If you fail to get a response after a few days/weeks/months, you should consider what sort of communication your readers can expect from that company. If they fail to respond to you in an orderly fashion or won’t respond at all without a few reminder emails to provoke them, your readers probably won’t get very good customer service either. Promoting a company with bad communication will only make you look bad for promoting it. And the fact that they won’t email you back in an orderly fashion just shows how important to them you are. If they don’t appreciate you, leave.
- Unsafe Products – I’ve thought many a time a divorce from CalExotics would be a good idea. It was wearing me down constantly writing complaint emails about safety issues with their toys. I dreaded getting another one each month because I was afraid it would be falsely advertised again and have phthalates in it. Still, I’ve stuck it out so I can stay on their case and hopefully put them on the right track. I’m there to make sure they don’t get away with sending products with a lower quality material than was advertised or for sending products that smell like nail polish remover. I’ve had 4 product issues with them so far. Beware and always do the sniff or fire test to make sure your products from them are safe for use.
- Unwilling to Provide Review Products – If a company doesn’t want to provide review products for me, then they’re just not going to get any publicity. It’s as simple as that. I don’t have a ton of money to spread around. If you’re not going to give me free assignments so I can earn my commissions, I’m done with you. I can’t make any money if I don’t publish reviews for you. So, if you’re not going to give me anything more than the first product, don’t expect me to stay with you.
- Lying: Don’t promise me an item for a graphic I made for you, talk me into your affiliate program, suggest that I use lots of text links on my site and then send me cheap crap that I didn’t ask for. And bloody friggin’ tell me that the product I want is out of stock when I ask for it, not after half a dozen emails over the span of a couple months asking where the hell it is! I hate liars…
Yeah… When I get back from this family trip my husband drug me on, there are going to be some divorces.
If you’re reading this, I’ve been taken against my will and forced into a plane bound for Portland, OR.
I’m a rather slight woman in her early twenties (but teenager in appearance) and will be surrounded by one tall man in his mid-twenties, 3 young men in their late teens-twenties, a balding fat man with what looks like a toupee on his chin, and a fat frumpy women who is most likely wearing a pixie shirt. As you read this, I’m being forced to stay cooped up in a small, rundown, mold-infested house with all of these people in a trailer park! Helllllllllllllllllllp! 
These old folks, the parents of my husband and these other young men, plan to force me into going to California to Tinkerbell Land, aka Disneyland. Why they think a kid’s vacation for their 4 grown-up sons and their daughter-in-law is a good idea, I can’t say why. Also, why they think taking my husband away from his job and the only income we really have is a good idea either is beyond me.
Apparently we have so much money we can just eat it.
And apparently, jobs aren’t hard to come by or to keep in this economy.
*saracastic* We don’t have to worry one bit that he wont keep his job. We can totally waste two weeks away from it with you guys. No, it’s no trouble at all.
FUCK!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK #(*%# $#)%*%#) %$)*(%#!!!!!!!!!!! 
And my husband, being the friggin’ moron that he is, sees no problem in this either.
You know what? If his family missed us so much, they would’ve visited us in the 3 YEARS that we’ve been here!
They’re going to spend all this money taking us to Disney and letting us stay at their (one star roach motel, moldy) house but they didn’t have the sense to just cancel that and make some small trips here with the family to see us so hubby doesn’t have to miss two weeks of work? What is wrong with these people? Do they have the brain worms? 
*raises hand* “Ooh! Ooh! I know the answer!!!”
*points* “Yes? You, the sad little lady that looks like she wants to board the next plane home.”
“They do have the brain worms! Each and every one of them! The kids are just as dumb as the parents! Now, can you get me out of this hell hole?”
“No.”
“Curse you…”
Yeah, I’ve gone schizophrenic. It’s my way of coping, or some junk like that. 
Right now, I’m probably putting up a front like everything is fine. Gotta be a good little soldier for my late grandpa. God bless his soul. 
Fought in WWII, lost both his brothers to it, got put on burial duty… Later, in his 70s, he developed lung cancer. It was all I could do not to break down in front of him. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing my best friend. But he went through it like a trooper. Never a tear or frown crossed that brave face. He was a strong, honorable man. Hubby’s side of the family isn’t honorable in the least, but I have to be strong like grandpa and take this vacation like a man. Er…I mean, like a woman.
Anyway, figured I’d let you guys know what’s going on. I really won’t be on Twitter much and I don’t know how much I’ll be able to update. Most likely I’ll have to sit around their house most of the time because pretty much all they do is sit on their fat butts in front of the idiot box. So, I guess I can take that time to update. Don’t expect anything too fancy. All I’ve got is my Ipaq and it takes me a long time just to peck out a few sentences on that thing.
I hope I don’t get deathly ill like I did last time. Almost every day was a fight between my sinuses with the mold and my stomach being upset with his mother’s greasy cooking, which all led up to 3 days of either the stomach flu, food poisoning, or both. 
Missing you all like crazy,
True Pleasures
Get me outta here before they try to kill me again!
Looks like I’m gonna have to go, folks. I’m still praying this trip blows craps, but we’re getting pretty close to the wire. I’m going to keep my hopes up till the very end.
In the meantime, I’ve set up some auto-posts with Blogger to keep you all entertained if I have to go.
Lord, don’t make me go! 
(Translated to Romanji = sumaato iijiizu)
Ok, first of all, the “Smart Easy’s Vol 2”? Seriously? How does that make any sense for a name for a masturbation sleeve? 
There are definitely some problems with translation. There’s not much English, but it’s pretty entertaining to read.
“It’s a function pursuit hole. It is a moderate thickness hole with diameter of 20mm. It’s made by safe material. Olgazm can be easily experienced. Don’t you think it’s good to feel olgazm very easily?”
hehe “Olgazm”.
For the most part, I don’t think anyone will have a clue what this is if they just look at the box. That’s assuming they’ve not seen a masturbation sleeve or are in the business, are/know Japanese, or figure “olgazm”=”orgasm”.
We’re just going to call it “Smart” for the sake of this review, okey dokey? (I almost feel like I’m talking about Maxwell Smart from Get Smart when I say that 
Although, I do like Max, but not in that way. The classic Max with Don Adams, not the new Max. That was junk. Nothing can replace Don Adams and that voice of his.) Okay, now that we’re thoroughly off-topic…
There’s lotion (aka lube) inside. It actually has this cute little character on it that is the Toys’ Heart mascot. 
We haven’t used it because I haven’t been able to figure out the ingredients in the lube. I don’t use lubes that I 
don’t know the ingredients of. The tube of lube says, “Vannessa & CO, Shape up Lotion”. What in the world is “Shape up Lotion”? 
I mean, obviously it’s lube, but what’s it shaping up?
4 years of Japanese and I can’t read the whole thing. 
Well, here’s what I can understand it: “soft..2 unknown kanji..mild..2 unknown kanji…type”. It definitely is soft and squishy.
So, How Did it Go with the Hubby?
Hubby: Is that for me to wear?
True: Erm…no…
I use this on you just like that Blossom Sleeve… (He never uses masturbation sleeves by himself. That’s my job. He’s super spoiled.) You really thought this is for you to wear?
Hubby: Well, I dunno.
True: (*mental eyeroll* I will never understand his thought process.)
*commence butter churning mode! SQUISH SQUELCH SQOOSH!*
Hubby: Sure makes a lot of noise, doesn’t it?
True: Yes. Yes, it does.
5 Minutes Later…
Hubby: Why don’t you just suck me off?
His verdict? It feels like the rest of them (IE Our Tenga Eggs, Blossom Sleeve, etc…) And his response to every one of my questions? “I dunno.” 
So much for that.
Well, I wasn’t going to let him get away with such a sucky explanation of how it felt. You’re getting fucked with it again mister and you’re going to give me a better idea of how this feels, dammit! 
Sometimes I wish I had a dick so I could do the male toy reviews myself. 
So, I gave it another go on him. I had figured if I squished out the air in the top of it while it was on him, I could create more of a vacuum and gets some better suction for him. Result? Success! In addition to doing that, I had my hand in a ring at the opening of Smart and my other hand wrapped around the top. That way, every time I lifted it almost off his dick and brought it back down, he’d get more of that penetration feeling that he loves so much. Using my hands in the middle of Smart like I’ve done with the Blossom Sleeve just didn’t seem to work as well.
Design: Smart is designed with rows and rows of little nibblets. The inside almost reminds me of a corncob. Unlike the nice diagram on the box, the nibblets aren’t really formed perfectly, but they do get the job done. It’s crystal clear and you can watch your penis penetrate, or the penis of your partner. (Since I really don’t get anything after helping him masturbate, at least I can see his penis through this and get a little visual stimulation 
)
Basically, it says that the square-shaped dots near the opening will uniformly massage your penis, there is a tight area in the middle passage, and a pumping area at the end. Or, at least, that’s what I make out of it. I went to the Toy’s Heart website and that’s what it seems to say, too. If I’ve screwed up the translation at all, domo sumimasen.
The only thing I’m a bit worried with the design is the opening. You see, there’s a very slight seam that runs around the toy. I’m wondering, because of the softness of the TPE, if eventually the area where the seams are will start to tear or rip.
The opening doesn’t look like it’s designed after anything in particular. It could be an ass, mouth, vagina, whatever you want.
Packaging: My inner Otaku loves the package. Must..translate..! Half the fun for me was just reading the package! lol 
Yeah, I know. I’m such a nerd. 
(No, seriously. I am. My glasses have been broken in the middle so many times that there’s a giant glob of super glue that keeps building up every time I have to stick the two halves back together!)
Simple and informative (if you know Japanese) with no obscene images. Yay! Smut makes me feel insecure. 
Size:
Smart was actually smaller than I thought it would be. It’s fairly compact and lightweight. Good for travel. Since Smart is very flexible and squishy, it should be able to expand to fit a penis of any girth or length. *chuckles* I’m sorry, but using it on the hubby almost made it feel like I was handling a giant squishy blob.
Here are the stats for it:
-
Length: 6" - Fits up to: 1 1/2"
- Vaginal depth: 5 1/2"
- Weight: 7 oz
You could really get it to stretch to fit any penis, but a word of caution; the bigger you are, the more it’s going to stretch and the more likely it is to tear. Do take the measurements into consideration before purchasing.
Material: TPE (It’s phthalates and latex free but porous. This means it can never really be sterilized and bacteria can grow in it over time. It is a bit sticky. Hair and dust will cling to it like a magnet, but can easily be washed off.)
Lube: You’ll definitely want to lube up your penis and the opening of Smart. This can be done with silicone or water-based lubes.
Cleaning: Soap/toy cleaner and warm water are best. I’ve tried turning Smart inside-out to clean it better, but to no avail. Just make sure you get your fingers in their and scrub it thoroughly. (Yes, I have to clean up after hubby, too.)
Storage: Store Smart away from light and dust, without touching any other toys or being squished. I’ve wrapped ours in a bit of fabric and placed it in the nightstand drawer. For the most part, I like to make fabric sleeves for our toys to keep them clean and free of dust.
Pros: soft and squishy, stretches to fit, no phthalates, fairly easy to clean, easy to use, nice texture, good suction with the proper technique, small and easy to store
Cons: didn’t work out so well the first time, the seam makes me worry it might rip eventually, noisy
Summary: 5/5 I love Smart. No, not Maxwell Smart; Smart Easy’s Vol 2. Well, actually…I guess I love both, but Max isn’t up for review right now, Smart is. Because of the closed end, Smart has a pretty good amount of suction to it. Still, if you get it on the penis and then squeeze out all the air before you start wanking off, you’ll get much better suction. Love that it’s free of phthalates. And, I’m sorry, but part of the reason I love Smart is just the fact that it’s Japanese and it had Japanese writing all over the box. Yes, yes. I know. NERD! 
Toy’s Heart is an interesting company. I couldn’t believe all the products they manufacture! And it’s not just male toys. There are plenty of toys for females, too.
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| This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. | ||
FTC Statement: The Smart Easy’s Vol 2 was provided for free to True Pleasures by EdenFantasys in exchange for a review in their affiliate program. This has not affected the opinions within the review.
